uncertain

woah woah woah.. i love this depth..the details.. the root cause of situations..
am i an over thinker? or a feeler.. hell knows.. a sucker for the feel of it all..
been lately wondering what drives us all to make decisions..to do what we do.. our fears..our inhibitions.. our downright limiting actions.. what the hell goes on inside.
and then i felt this "aha"  moment that screamed in my face..
we humans hate uncertainty!
even when i claim that i want some adventure in life ( ahan.. dont get your brains running in all awkward directions).. but yeah.. even when i claim that i am experimental.. and hell yeah i love to experiment n experience.. there is something about uncertainty that makes me feel wierd.. angry n upset at times.. thrilled at others.. fearful yet another..almost making my insides churn at times..
and .. this one word seems to pretty much describe the cause of all the stupid , unreasonable discussions that i have with my parents or people of their age .. which seems to limit their thinking.. AND limit my life. Uncertainty seems like a b**ch to me... how much can something like this drive us?
writing this blog itself makes me realize how much i myself dislike uncertainty in some areas of my life..
yet. i gotta live with it.. 'cause BRINGING IT ON  iS really what i can do to justify my life..
sheesh.. certain things.. certain thoughts.. certain lives..seemingly secure like caves or cocoons or a mother's womb.
but what pushes me and haunts me and makes me feel thrilled is whether certainty  really is certain?
what do you think??

At God's expense..

I know a 99% of religious people would wanna kill me and send me to burn in hell after reading this..But hey!!..I DON'T CARE!!

Having been on my people-observation spree again...it makes me feel confused if i should be feeling as scared for them as they are for themselves or continue feeling pity for them.With this whole " a million Hindu gods" and " supposed gods from all religions" thing going on , I sometimes wonder what does God's existence really mean to them..When they say " God is one".. do they really mean it or is it just another manipulative behavior to avoid conflict and become ' secular' in the eyes of others?

Well to come down to it, I have been ever confused to picture god in one form and worship that form for life..You may attribute this to be a part of my persona that gets bored very easily ..so much so that I can't even stick to worshiping one form of God..but hey.. this is probably because I have the realization that God is nothing but one's own higher self.

Why is it that we tend to externalize God and treat him like our boss or teachers or parents > doing things 'occasionally' to make him happy, like fasting and not eating onions during navratras?What difference does it really make if you do something daily and refrain from it for a few days? like not eating chicken or onions or grass for that matter!! if its wrong to kill a bird to satisfy your taste buds on a specific day.. is it right to kill it on some other day?? I think not.. its either black or white!!this or that..

Do you really think this is going to please your 'GOD'?? its rather a hypocritical behavioral pattern!!

Its super annoying and overwhelming to see people going to such extreme behavior..  one one hand.. they would worship female child , wash her feet and feed her with prasad on a specific day..and on the other.. a huge percentage of these very  people are against having a female child as a part of their family!! is this what our 'god' teaches us? I think not..

and i have often questioned people " would not shaving or shampooing  or washing your clothes on a certain day please your god or bring you luck?" and the answer i usually get is" i don't believe in it all.. but it doesn't make a difference to refrain from such things for some time."

IT DOESN'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE TO REFRAIN FROM MAINTAINING PERSONAL HYGIENE FOR A WHILE??

How nonsensical could one get.

I feel such people are the most stuck for they want to come out of the shackles of such misbeliefs but are scared and fearful of the unknown, of displeasing  the God...Or they are rather too rigid to open themselves to the simplicity and beauty of life.

It makes me feel overwhelmed to see how much fear and nasty stuff people carry in their hearts all their lives, mostly in the name of god or religion.

Ever wondered where does natural justice come from?yes-  from god!!

anybody ever seen god??- no!!

then why carry so much fear and guilt and so many distorted thoughts in the name of god and religion and not listen to one's higher self ??

A million questions.. a billion misbeliefs.. and answers?? well 'NONE ' or 'ALL'..are we really making the correct efforts?

Randomness during lectures

The professor, numb under the spell of his dumbness stood at the podium, having no idea as to where the class was heading towards..Haah! neither did we have any idea whatsoever!!

The situation felt grim and funny at the same time - a feeling that could be covered under what I term as 'accho-pie'.At about ten minutes to 6, a student easily walked into the class,cat- walked her way to the last seat and conveniently sat in her Cleopatran pose.

"Pleej.. listen to bhaat i say in the kilaas"- a voice emerged from far away , as it seemed- the professor was surely making desperate attempts to make his presence felt in the class.Its funny to see what went on during that one hour of our so-called 'lecture' - so much so that I'm sure a lot of my fellow classmates must have felt 'little' in one way or the other(pun intended).I mean who calls people to 'read'to the class! Haah.. sheer non-sense.

And then what I witnessed totally took me by my wits.. I had always seen such stuff in movies or read about them in fiction stories.. but now I had it all in front of me- a REAL pair of GEEKY twin- sisters dressed up as each others'mirror images, that too having emerged from the 70's, with the exact length of hair, braided in the exactly the same fashion with their 'nakli' Reebok t-shirts and the 'POMA' sandals, with the animal in a climbing position - well they just seemed to rock every guy's world  :o

 Walking towards the podium with her head high, one of the sisters reached out to read to the class from the Bare Act. In the meanwhile, I noticed myself wondering how proud one could get by reading out to am class led by a dumbhead at a Law School! well , i'd surely have a proud feeling if I were to read out the verdict of awarding Death penalty to Kasab.. but anyways... his death itself is a very TOUCHY topic.. for god's sake.. its been good riddance..Oh well.. coming back to the class.. all I could feel is NAUSEA!! <puke>

SHAADII KA LADDU?? NEAH.. TOO EARLY TO TASTE IT!!

its been a while that I've been observing people around myself... their reactions.. their reasons.. everything..its funny how we all have our set of good things and bad things to deal with.. yet some of us get so excited at poking into other people's lives!! AND!! for no reason at all... at times i feel really disturbed at how much energy people waste in pondering about stuff that has absolutely nothing to do with them... haah!! the latest fad being " arre ladki jawan ho gayi hai.. ab iske liye ladka dekhna shuru karo"... oh puh leez!! gimme a BREAK... :x
Indian families seem to have no other goal in life than finding a good match for their daughters.... uh sorry... other people's daughters !! and lets see what GOOD means... ummm.. "aji ladka kamata acha hai.. ek dum shahrukh khan jaisa dikhta hai... badi gaadi hai..1000 gajj ki kothi...aur kya chahiye?? '"
well!! what does one do with a badi gaadi and 1000 gajj ji kothi if one doesn't know the guy?? or even if one does , but ain't prepared??huh.. its a neva endin debate!! :X :O

but this one track minded Indian society wont let us youngsters live in peace.. if a person ain't married .. their life is looked upon as incomplete.. i agree that its important to marry.. but at what cost?? kids are brought up to be professionals and street smart people who can earn well and look after themselves.. then why at the most crucial times of their lives are they put into this hot soup of tasting the 'shadi ka laddu'?? can they not see this clearly that every thing gets into place at its own pace?? after all when I'm hanging in the middle of nothing,, struggling hard to make an identity.. why push me into shaadi and rather make me lose my identity all together?? its almost annoying to see this happening to people my age all around!! guys haven't matured .. girls ain't prepared.. and before they even realize what they're game for.. ah well. its too late!! a friend of mine is in the exact same position.. its logical.. and its very clear that its not yet the time to tie the knot.. but confused is she and even more confused and disoriented seem her parents!! she's going ahead with it and its scary to imagine how life's gonna be when one's so unprepared as she is right now!! i feel worried and i feel a sea of emotions.. anger and rage at times and pity and helplessness at others... :O

LIFE...as we see it!

Every morn i step out of my house

Oh! Its a beautiful day...

with faces happy and gay!!

Their lives seem so perfect,
with ease, they embrace victories everyday

Some get lucky with a job promotion..

others have just fallen into a love relation...

That girl round the corner's ever smiling..

The guy next door.. ever inspiring!!

Sometimes i wonder why i feel so worn out?

why do i picture my problems like a mount?

They're all chirpy,all so curious

I keep pondering over and over..

Why (am I) so serious??

Some times I feel I'm the only one fighting my fears and my sorrows..

but that's LIFE!.. as we see it..

Who knew that the secret behind that girl's smile is her ailing mother's only hope

Who knew, when alone how much she'd sob!

Those faces are indeed happy,

But they're sometimes just masks..

that each one of them wears 

To keep hidden ..their darker side

They all have their set of fears...

And I'm not alone, at the end of the day

LIFE!! .. they all picture... just the same way!! 

 *********************************************************************************

And then i see the silver lining shining behind the dark cloud

That moment on 

I gather my courage all

All ready to face it out..

Announce my happiness loud

Back I am with a bang..

on the track where I feel light again...

What this makes me realize is the there's no good no bad, 

no loss no gain..

We're happy , we're sad

as we want it to be

No matter what we go through,

There's always a brighter side to the dim

All we need .. is a li'l change in the paradigm!!

innocence misinterpreted

he chitters he chatters

he loves to play all day long

but friends he has who come for their own needs

when he needs them.. they're all gone..

what must be the tumult going on inside him

for he's on the receiving end when it comes to being mean..

mother keeps scolding..bro's always frustrated..

father's like an ATM to him., and nothing more than that...

who's there to share his fears and sorrows burried deep inside..
or even his happiness and excitement,

to give him any insight??

he grows cranky..he behaves like a li'l kid

he feigns his fears with his careless attitude and mindless witt...

he's god gifted, has abundance of talents

he's kind with the purest of heart and spirits..

then why is he abandoned?

just because he's a li'l different??..

well.. we all are that!!

why do they look only for his mistakes

and never his accomplishments, gim him a pat??

whom shall the blame be put on for all that he's going through...

is the world really so cruel or is it karma that he's put through??

remember what love and patience can create

is somebody listening at all??

are you willing to embrace em all?

for this 15 year old .. who doesn't want to grow up 'coz he's scared of the world 

and its 'worldly' ways!!